They Don’t Know Me And I’m Keeping It That Way
by PheonixFireBlack
Summary: One-shot. Sawyer-centric. Again. Not a very likely thing to happen, and when his episode comes up, I’ll probably be proven wrong, but….it’s my stab at it, anyway. Companion piece of “Not Just A Lowlife Jerk”


Title - They Don't Know Me And I'm Keeping It That Way  
By - PheonixFireBlack  
Summary - One-shot. Sawyer-centric. Again. Not a very likely thing to happen, and when his episode comes up, I'll probably be proven wrong, but....it's my stab at it, anyway. Companion piece of "Not Just A Lowlife Jerk"  
Genre - General  
Category - Lost  
Feedback - Please? _begs and grovels_I'll love you forever!  
Criticism - I'd love it if you have it!  
_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything. Life sucks. I'll go cry now.**_  
Notes - I love Sawyer. But you know this if you read the notes to my last Sawyer-fic. Oh, well. I don't have anything to say about this, really. Just....Read it. Love it. Hate it. Review it.

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**They Don't Know Me And I'm Keeping It That Way**  
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I can't believe what I just did. I almost let the front fall today. I can't do that! I can't let these people know! They can't find out. I was off to the side of everyone else, not that anyone thought anything of it, they probably think it's just typical of me or something equally idiotic.

So, like I said, I was off to the side...thinking. I really shouldn't have done that. Especially not about her. Back home. I was stupid for ever leaving. Especially when I knew how she was when I left. She's not going to be there when-if-I ever get home. She's gonna be gone. I'm not gonna be able to see her again.

That was what had started the falling of the front. I started thinking about my wife back home. The week before I left, they said she didn't have long. A couple of months at best. I wasn't going to be gone long, either. A week. And I'd be back. That's obviously now how things were 'supposed' to go. That wasn't in God's plan. Well, I don't like God's plan. I don't like being stuck here on an island with complete strangers with no way to get home. I have no way to see her. I'm here in the middle of nowhere and she's back in New York. Lying in some hospital bed, surrounded by white walls, beeping noises, doctors and nurses. And with the knowledge that she's only about a few months before she dies. But she could really go at any time. Those 'couple of months' are just guesses-excuse me, estimations-from a doctor.

Naturally, when I got to thinking about that, someone noticed I had been off for awhile. Came to find me. It was Claire. And she walked up to me right as a solitary tear fell.

"Sawyer? You all right?"

"I'm fine, sweet cheeks, don't worry about me."

"Are ya sure, cause you've been over here for awhile and--"

"I know. I'm fine. Don't worry." I glanced up at her, "Really, everything's fine."

That's where it started. When I said that, my voice faltered. Because everything **_wasn't_** fine. But she wasn't supposed to know that.

"Sawyer, what's wrong? And don't say nothing, because I can see that something is."

"Nothing. And I'm serious. And even if there was something wrong...who are you to care?" I snapped.

"Someone that wants to know what's going on with the people around her," Claire said, "I'm just tryin' to get to know you guys a little better."

"Well, don't bother with trying to get to know me. I don't need anyone knowing me."

"All right....See ya later, then..."

And now she knows. Not completely, she doesn't have a complete grasp of it, but Claire knows that I'm not being true to the people here. Soon enough, she'll get a firm grasp on that. And she'll tell someone. A few of them might believe her, but most of them won't. Because they think they know me so well. They don't know anything about me, though. I don't care. Let them delude themselves into thinking they know me. It'll work out better in the end that way.

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**END They Don't Know Me And I'm Keeping It That Way**  
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**Notes - Well, I liked this. It was sweet in a half-assed-biting kind of way. Lol.**

**Drop me a line!**

Later days,  
-PFB-


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